SISTER . . .

It begins today. Today when you look your most beautiful, your wedding gown snug against your body, the flower held an inch from you, and your smile full and radiant. With a radiant, radiant smile, and an I do spoken softly-softly, you walk into it. Finally. For the past few days I have watched you prance around, giggling with your friends, testing this velvet and that satin, does this suit me, does pink look okay? Hm. Little Sister finally becoming a madam.  I watched him too. I watched him try to organize things with his friends, how many more cartons of beer? His excitement poorly hidden under layer upon layer of manliness. You are both excited; you should be. But marriage is not a bed of roses, Sister. There are ups and downs—I can attest to that. There will be times when you both will need to work hard to keep this going, and then you would even have to make sacrifices. You will be the pillar of your home at such times, yes, you. A woman like Hannah. Like Sarah. You must hold your home together, and if it means giving up your marketing job at the bank, you’ll have to do it.

I am saying this because I heard about the small argument you had with him a few weeks after your wine-carrying. You did not want to tell me, Sister, but I found out; how you said no when he asked you to look for another banking sector to work for. Don’t be too stubborn. I have heard what happens in marketing, all those big men wanting to sleep with fine girls like you before signing up. He has heard these things too, and it is only natural for him to feel protective. Of course you won’t do that. You won’t sleep with those big men. But your husband needs to feel secure, so you might have to consider quitting that job. Why not? You know how I quit Nursing School after my first miscarriage. Maybe you have forgotten, so let me conclude by reminding you. By reminding you how Eche flared up when I said why not put off having babies for two more years until after school? How it almost spoilt my marriage. That single sacrifice saved us. But I am not saying that we don’t have any more problems oh. We do. A mountain of them. But until he raises his hands on me, I’ll have to work it out. Not even those small girls he pursues can spoil what God has joined together. Ifeco might end up pursuing small girls too—what man doesn’t?—Papa did, Uncle did, last week Brother’s wife called me, crying that she saw some bad text messages in his phone. It’s in their nature to cheat, so not even that should spoil your marriage.

Everything would be fine, Sister. So long as you pray often. And pet him often—cook his favourite meals, give it to him regularly, you know na. And remember; always remember that you are the pillar of your home.

Written by Arinze Ifeakanduwomen-talking-couch-friends_400x295_86

Advertisements
Leave a comment

42 Comments

  1. doris

     /  November 16, 2013

    like seriously?? give up a job to make him feel secure,and put up with cheating cos ‘itz dr nature? ‘ Sister,pls and plz,dnt walk dwn that aisle if hez like dat.

    Reply
  2. anyibaba

     /  November 16, 2013

    Why must it be the norm to actually assume the man should cheat and the woman should be OK with it? Yes they would have troubles and working it out is paramount but every time it seems society believes this should be the norm, couples should fight, men should cheat and women should forgive them cos its in their nature to?
    Again the part about the sacrifice, another department seems all right but definitely not quitting your job. Those were in the yonder years, now i like my wife to work, i like a woman who gets to work beside me, who though I’m responsible for, still got a level of independence.

    Reply
    • Anyi, you’re a very modern man. It will stun you to know that there are still men out there who believe their wives should settle at home as housewives and take care of the home and kitchen and kids.

      Reply
    • Chisom12

       /  November 16, 2013

      From a sista to a broda, Good man, you are a good man anyibaba for thinking this way.

      Reply
  3. nik

     /  November 16, 2013

    When a man cheats’ oh its in their nature, its your duty to forgive’. When a woman cheats ” I don’t want to see you in this house again, leave with ur bastard children”.
    Its the duty of both of you to mk things right not leaving it to one person.

    Reply
  4. Sister,i dont agree with you that all men are cheats, and a man that cheat is not worthy of me. I know that we are all human and can fall into the temptation but it should not be a habit. I will forgive him if it is only a one time indiscretion and if he opens up and confesses, which is a sign of true repentance.

    Reply
  5. chika udeh

     /  November 16, 2013

    ok o uncle walt we haf hia u o. So sisters pls leave ur job o so dat u can take care of the home n ur man so that boredom n idleness will grow dada on ur head n o of course forgive him wen he cheats so that he can lovenly share gonorrhea n syphilis or better still HIV. My dears it is a marriage btw d man n a woman. Two parties were involved so the two parties should make it work. Gbam!!!

    Reply
  6. Chisom12

     /  November 16, 2013

    Honestly Sister, you are making the biggest mistake of your life walking into that marriage knowing, anticipating, expecting, and being advised to expect he will cheat, and ask you to change jobs at whim. Mbanu! That’s not what being a pillar means. And that is definitely NOT what God ordained as marriage.
    Nice writing, wrong philosophy.

    Reply
  7. consyspark

     /  November 16, 2013

    i perfectly understand sister… she just cited examples of sacrifices.. yes you guys should not play righteous,its in your nature to cheat,just that you can control yourself and live with principles.. all this story is trying to preach is perseverance and sacrifice,.cos u need that for a marriage to sustain no matter how much you love each other.. it myt not be as extreme as painted here but just know marriage is one long journey so get ready and prepare for the ride before diving into it without much thoughts

    Reply
  8. Yemie

     /  November 16, 2013

    This writing’s beautiful, very effortlesly done. The advice though….., it’ll take an unfeeling, inhuman and a superwoman for that matter, to do the things listed here especially in this 21st century. Sister, I guess the message you’re trying to convey here is for the bride to be prayerful, patient and submissive; yes? Which is great but spelling it out the way you did, it will take plenty grace.

    Reply
  9. Adeline Kasper

     /  November 16, 2013

    Lolz! I laff!
    I undastnd u sista, bt there ar certain tins u dnt jst leave, else these men wuld soo ride on u!
    Again, not al of them wuld undastnd wat ure tryin 2 pas on here, theyl take it d oda way round nd wuld wan2 claim right nd treat their women lyk jackass!
    Tank u sista, but mbah to certain things.

    Reply
  10. Grace oruitemeka

     /  November 16, 2013

    Nice message but i tink u shuld knw timez are hard,most men wntz a woman dat will help out financially bt if a man wntz hs wife 2 quit her job,dn she shuld fall bck on smtin..mayb strt a business. Being at home always makes her idle…which is nt a gud tin…y marry an educated woman wn she cnt mk use of wat she’s learnt ova d yrz?

    Reply
  11. nkiru

     /  November 16, 2013

    Not all men cheat yes, but most do. In d early stages of marriage men “usually” focus on their family n making money but @ a point -say wn d last kid is in second school- they might begin to look outside d home for satisfication n stuff. No woman wants dat but WHAT IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU?. So do u now leave ur marriage of 13 yrs n above. After d initial gra-gra n vexing u will still ave to find it in ur hrt to forgive him. If u leave ur home bcos of his infidelity some1 will move right in. Mind u marriage is not dettol advert ” if I don’t take care of him, who will?”. My sister some1 most diff will. If u find out ur hubby cheats on u d BEST tin 2 do is 2 use ur knees n pray him out of it. Divorce in naija doesn’t pay d women ooo. This one no b yankee where women get power for family matter.
    On d issue of having to leave ur job. My dears dat one is done every day n willingly by d ladies involved. See once u get married n as a woman ur reasoning changes frm “myself to my family” so if dat job is causing wahala btw u n hubby pls resign else what’s d use of working wn u r separated frm ur hubby? Thou I don’t surport d issue of a man asking his wife to b a housewife.
    I totally understand what sister is trying to say. Which is dat in marriages women make more hard decisions n sarcrifices than men. N dat my dears is d simple hard truth. Believe it or not.

    Reply
  12. Excellency

     /  November 16, 2013

    Truth is there has never been & will never be any successful marriage without sacrifice, whether big, small, expensive or inexpensive sacrifices, fact is, a sacrifice(s) must be made by either party if their marriage must succeed. What ever sacrifice one is willing to take to ensure the success of their marriage is up to them. Sacrifice is giving up something you value in expectation of something of more value, it always looks foolish until you get what you want. Call it foolish or stupid, na their business. If anyone has a better plan, prove it with your own highly successful marriage. But it’s a lie, not all men cheat… To all the men who believe men are made to be strong (which is not a lie); “Cheating is easy, try something more challenging, like being faithful”

    Reply
  13. Maureen

     /  November 16, 2013

    Anyibaba, x0x0 for u, u just saved me from a comment that’ll be longer than the original post. And that woulda been d abridged version of my original comment.
    “There’s still hope, there are good people out there, persevere in being good and asking for better and the best will come to you.”Azike Maureen
    Ur husband, papa, uncle and whoever else “chased little girls” but not all men chase little girls.
    you dropped out of school and it saved your marriage, not every marriage requires ‘such” sacrifices.
    I have to zip my mouth here, so much to say ….

    Reply
  14. mesi

     /  November 16, 2013

    Its a nice writeup. I like the flow. Sister is giving demonic advice tho. Not all men cheat. Sacrifices go both ways. And a woman has a role to play is changing this world. Getting married and sustaining a marriage isn’t all there is to life.

    Reply
  15. Eketi

     /  November 17, 2013

    Abeg abeg abeg! Who wrote this manure?

    Reply
  16. Wow excellent advice to a newly wed but I disagree completely with the cheating that all men do it, that is over generalisation, I have been married for close to a decade and nothing like cheating, not even once and I am a man mind you.

    Good one all thesame.

    Reply
    • Ah, IsAac, haven’t уσυ been listening to Akon? Apparently he agrees with Sister. Tнaт all men aяє breeders aηd cheaters. Lol. Seems уσυ’яє an anomaly

      Reply
  17. chezura

     /  November 17, 2013

    Nice story, great flow but the moral of the story? Shite!!
    Men r expected to cheat, really? That’s how a friend’s husband kept cheating and she turned a blind eye till he brot his side chic into their home, still she was expected to grin n bear it… Who gv her ds wonderful advice? her mother!!! So, I get changing departments esp if the woman is in banking (marketing) bt quitting? Hell nah. What will she b doing @ home when all d housewk and breeding chores r done? Watch Telemundo n gossip wt d neighbours’ wives? Even tho the man is richer than Croesus ( and that’s a lot of rich) most right thinking women would want to hv sth doing, no matter how little.
    That said, marrige is never easy bt when bth parties work real hard and never forgetting to put God in d mix, usually turns out great. Sorry abt d epistle, Blame it on the article/story. *drops mic and flees*

    Reply
    • Yemie

       /  November 17, 2013

      @ Chezura. You just brought to my remembrance a phrase ( ‘Shite’) my brother used to mutter while we were growing up. Reeling with laughter right here. Thank you and God bless ya. Lol!

      Reply
      • chezura

         /  November 17, 2013

        I’m glad I made u laugh @ Yemie… Reading ur comment sef got me laughing…
        Hope ur Sunday’s going well?

      • Yemie

         /  November 17, 2013

        @ Chezura. I couldn’t ask for a better Sunday with peeps like you and our Walter, who’s making things happen. And Walter, that’s not a compliment for you o. Lol!

      • Duly noted. LMAO!

  18. putting off having having kids would have been a better option, not quitting nursing school entirely, that’s no sacrifice and it’s totally very insensitive. Quitting a job even seems slightly a lesser problem. Now it deems natural to generalize and say that all men cheat, the question we might be left with is WHY. Men and women are Like vessel and liquid, not all liquids can fill the vessel and vice versa, therefore finding ur ryt vessel as a companion is a thousand steps closer to that successful marriage, also consciously addressing the issue of cheating with sincerity nd maturity keeps the marriage on a right track. But wait o, of all the billions of humans on earth, people still generalize 😛

    Reply
  19. Arinze

     /  November 17, 2013

    Chei! This was meant as a sort of tongue in cheek ooo. #buries face in pillow#

    Reply
    • Indignant ladies aηd gentlemen, here’s tнє culprit.

      Reply
    • chezura

       /  November 17, 2013

      You’re still not off the hook!! *gives u d side eye*

      Reply
    • Yemie

       /  November 17, 2013

      Arinze, I too gbadun your writing style, don’t mind us jare. Lol! And you should be very proud of yourself, you got the entire town talking. 36; I mean 37 comments in the bag by the time this is posted and still counting. Let the figures speak for themselves. Thumbs up!

      Reply
  20. Maureen

     /  November 17, 2013

    Sincerely I search for d clue, let this be satire or sarcasm or “tongue-in-cheek” stuff as Arinze claims he meant and I didn’t find any so I had to comment.
    Going through the comments, Good to know people still think right, goot to know.
    Another sad point to note, people don’t want you to do better. ‘Sister obviously does not expect her baby sister to have better than she does have in the marriage dept ant that’s what prompted her sisterly advice.
    A friend once told me (about her marital problems) “don’t worry, I can’t gist u, u won’t understand. Can’t wait for u to get married so u’ll see what I mean”
    And I thought to myself “if na by like that, I’ll keep being single cos I’m happy here”
    Careful how u act on advice from ANYONE, ANYONE at all. Peace:)

    Reply
  21. Abikoye Oluwatosin

     /  January 9, 2014

    Reading through the post and everyone’s comment is both educating and not so comforting. I’ll hold on to the “working it out together” part and a cheating man, it is in my nature not to tolerate. I don’t think am looking forward to seeing that part.

    Reply
  22. Kachi

     /  January 9, 2014

    @Anyi and @ Isaac, good to know men like you to look up to still exist, tanx for your comments ,you’ve said it all. Meanwhile, Walter I think you should be posting articles like this often, so much publicity and plenty comments and visitation for your blog I forsee.

    Reply
  23. So many things wrong with this in my mind. Is this meant to be sarcastic or for real??

    Reply
  1. SISTER. . .II | MY MIND SNAPS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: