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    Walt Shakes

    Walter Ude (@Walt_Shakes) is an award-winning Nigerian writer, poet and veteran blogger. He is a lover of the written word. the faint whiff of nature, the flashing vista of movies, the warmth of companionship and the happy sound of laughter. He blogs at mymindsnaps.wordpress.com.

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The Things They Say…about Men, Women and Love

discord 10The comment below is that of a guy remarking on the Gabrielle Union/Dwayne Wade love saga, trying to explain why most men are unfaithful. (Dwayne had a baby with another lady while dating Gabby) Please read and let us know if the man is any close to the truth.

‘There are more women than there are men, and whether you know it or not, “your” man probably has another woman…or two. Stop being naive to these facts. A man has to both love and be in love with a woman in order to be faithful. Majority of you have men that only love you and that’s makes all of the difference.

‘Most men are not in love with their women. I am using men as the end all, be all because society is patriarchal and it is fitting and very true for my assessment.

‘Do you ever, ever hear men saying “I can’t wait to get a ring!” or “I can’t wait to get husbanded up!”? No. Most marriages are initiated by women as are most divorces. Society has convinced most women that the pinnacle of their existence revolves around marriage to a man and bearing his children.

‘Because of society brainwashing most women this way, men can generally get away with whatever they want to because they are the prize in the relationship, not the woman. What a lot of women do not understand is that they are nothing more than live-in maids, cooks, and sex partners. Of course a man can love a woman who cooks, cleans, and fucks him. But the magic is with the man BEING IN LOVE with the woman. Love and being in love are two different blurred lines and people like to gloss of this fact in order to save face and their feelings.

‘I think that infidelity is rampant because most men are not in love with their women. I could also argue that forcing most people in monogamous relationships also creates infidelity, but I do not feel like explaining all of that right now. Anyway, yes, the “being in love” part of relationships does not last long at all. Do you ever hear people say “The spice is gone”? or “I’m bored in our relationship”? Yeah, that’s where these sayings come from.’

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9 Comments

  1. Nancy

     /  January 10, 2014

    That’s true

    Reply
  2. Beebah

     /  January 10, 2014

    Makes Sense

    Reply
  3. Kachi

     /  January 10, 2014

    I think I concur with this guy to a large extent

    Reply
  4. There is a lot of sense in what he says on the surface, to be sure, but he left out some key factors, I believe. I cannot agree with everything he said.

    The whole ‘in love’ thing is, to me , a bunch of malarkey because that ‘feeling’ is usually at its hottest at the start of a relationship. You have to work to keep the spark because that ‘in love’ feeling goes away…usually by year number 4 and kid number two. And make no mistake: women ‘fall out of love’ just as much, if not more, than men…but they tend to struggle more to hold the relationship together for several reasons, the primary being children and family.

    Society does indeed place the ‘prize’ of marriage to be coveted by women…but that doesn’t rule it out as being successful. ‘Statistics’ and ‘inclinations’ are all well and good…but human beings are not animals. We have choices. Straying from your partner is a choice, not an inevitability. It is precisely because we have made it an ‘inevitability’ that it has become one.

    It is interesting how all the cute little ‘explanations’ for why/how/when men ‘cheat’ come out without making mention of certain characteristic traits that are usually ascribed to men such as honour, valour, and loyalty. These are what have held kingdoms and nations together: why not relationships?

    So yeah…my thing is this: if you wanna cheat, you will. If you wanna do ‘tinniinii-tannanna’ with your ‘love’ then you will. Just don’t go about trying to ‘explain’ it because, in the end, it is JUST YOU.

    Reply
    • Yemie

       /  January 10, 2014

      Checkmate!!! Sifa, you make sense die. There are a lot of noble men out there who not only respect the sanctity of their marriages but also honour their marital vows because they have the fear of God in their hearts. These men are well informed ’bout the 80-20% rule, the one am sure this guy obviously knows nothing ’bout. Where does he get off with his generalization theory? Oh boy, speak for ya self o. Na Whitney Houston say she be every woman, but I say; everyone for him or herself.

      Reply
  5. Maureen

     /  January 13, 2014

    Warped.
    Who wrote this and what “society” does he exist in??
    Apart from that, after trying to (?) explain that it’s the “being in love” part that ensures fidelity, he ended with and I quote ” yes the “being in love” part of relationships does not last long at all”.
    Well fellas , who missed the confusion??

    Reply
  6. Maureen

     /  January 13, 2014

    U degrade my women (my mother, your mother and all the beautiful women I know) to ‘live-in maids, cooks and sex partners’ and I’m supposed to Pat ur back and say u make sense???????
    See guy or whoever u are, go get a sit. And while at it, read books on successful marriages and relationships, get some sound counselling too, talk to people in both happy and unhappy marriages and in a few years, u might have a little insight and be able to make meaningful comments on similar topics cos u are sooo wrong on a lot of levels.

    Reply

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